Cliche and Generic Thanksgiving Post

   Happy thanksgiving all! Today is the day mostly everyone uses to go off their crazy fad diets.Who can blame them? How often do you have pies on pies on pies? I mean unless you're a baker or something.
   Aside from all the food today is the day people actually open up to their loved ones and tell them they are loved. Today is a day you take the time to appreciate the little things and just spend time reflecting on how good you have it.
   About a year ago I was in high school. I had a great job, great friends, and a great boyfriend, Then in what seemed like an instant I lost it all. I signed myself out of school to work more hours, I lost friends, then I lost my job in September. I felt like a failure. I felt like I was losing control of my life. 
   I did what I never did before. I talked to my family and boyfriend. I let them know how I felt and I asked for help. With the help from them and a nice forceful shove I am now closer to getting my GED. I have a new job and my relationship with my family is stronger than it has be before. 
   I am thankful for my family and my incredible boyfriend. Without them I would have been in a very dark place. Because of them I don't feel like a complete screw up. I feel like I really can do anything I set my mind to. 
   I am also thankful for the things I've gone through in the past few months. Those events helped me see who I could really trust. I am a smarter person. I don't ignore my gut instincts like I used to.
   All in all I am thankful for being a smarter, stronger person. A year ago I didn't have any type of plan. I just went with the wind. Although I may not have the most detailed outline of my life I do have some short term goals. I am thankful for the growth I've noticed in myself in just 5 short months.

So what are you thankful for?

Jayne Doe

Behind this Blog

   I couldn't have chose a better time to start anonymous blogging. As I am writing this I'm debating about letting it go up. This post is going to be very jumbled, messy, and, unplanned and that's cause it is. I'm writing this post just moments after the topic happened.

   So I struggle with my emotions and how I handle things. Doesn't everyone? Sometimes I just react sometimes I can stop myself. When things get to be too much to handle I just breakdown, breathing becomes harder, tears stream down my face, words don't have any meaning and, I just want to disappear. Anxiety runs in the family but I've never been formally diagnosed with it...but, when i was 13 or 14 my pediatrician did say my "symptoms" did fall in line with anxiety. Over the years I've gotten better at controlling myself and my feelings. However recently it's gotten harder and harder.

   My mother is an alcoholic. Nobody knows but family and Bear (he doesn't know how severe it is). Lately she's been drinking more and more. I don't know how to help her. I just want her to stop. I'm trying so hard to get myself out of this madhouse I'm in. I'm going to classes so I can finally get a diploma so I can got to school and finally live like a normal girl my age. However something tells me once I do get it I'll still be stuck here caring for everyone and making sure everyone is safe. Nobody really knows whats going on in my house. Nobody knows how I really feel. So i'm telling the world I feel stuck, crazy, and alone. The smile you see isn't always genuine.

   I'm feeling down today. I confronted my mom and she just brushed it off like everything was normal. I really just want her to get better. I don't have anyone to go to but this blog. Sure not many people read it but it's a way to get my feelings out without feeling brushed off.

   So behind this blog is a girl who wants her mom back. Behind this blog is a girl who feels like she has no one to turn to. Behind this blog is a girl who has answers for everyone's issues but her own.

                            Behind this blog is...

                                Jayne Doe